Alone With Violent J
Part 2
"Hello world! We're The Insane Clown Posse"
Was it tough getting started as Insane Clown Posse?
Fuck off!!! You just expect me to be able to explain how hard it was during those days? Mere words could never explain that shit. That's like asking a ninja to tell you what it was like to be tortured. No matter how good he explains it, you'll never really no what it was like unless you were actually him feeling that pain! All that I can say is the whole fuckin' music world can fuck off. Everybody from other bands, to critics, to record labels, are all the same. They all only care for themselves, and if you ain’t on there team they wish you death. It's just like most of the rest of the world, pure evil! For years and years all that I heard from every last mother fucker I met in the music business was this "Ya know, you guys should try it without that face paint and hard lyrics, then you might get somewhere!" I Heard that shit for years and years and years. Now 8 years later we're fuckin' platinum and what do we hear out of everybody's mouth? 'The only reason you guys got anywhere is because of the face paint and hard lyrics, without that you wouldn’t get nowhere!" What the fuck? Why is it that everybody always tries to bring you down? They just hate to see somebody doing something fresh unless it's them doing it. Player hatred to the fullest degree. I Guess it's like Ice Cube said in one of his songs "For anything they do, fuck him and his crew, unless you are gettin' paid too"
So how hard was it?
Harder than a ninjas dick with Janet Jackson buffing it! I swore I'd never go on and on to anyone about how hard it was to get where we're at today, because I could never actually cover it by just trying to explain it, but fuck you, you asked! I could have 10 platinum albums on the wall and that still wont amount to all the dues we paid in this business. We paid enough dues for 100 bands. Fuck that, We paid enough dues for 1000 ICP's!!! Alex is the shit (referring to his manager Alex Abbiss) for sticking with us threw the most fucked up times. That mother fucker deserves 50 times more than he'll probably ever get out of this business. Shit man, we fuckin' pushed and pushed and pushed ICP on Detroit. Right from the very start, we knew that no label was going to just sign us, we had to prove that we could sell records ourselves first. I Would honestly say, that over the 6 or 7 years it took us to get a real record deal, I must of handed out 500,000 thousand ICP flyers to people at malls, on car windows or whatever myself. No lie! No exaggeration! That's just me! Alex and Shaggy are a whole other story… They had to cut down rain forest to supply our paper demand. We had Kinko's locked down in Detroit. We knew every fuckin' Kinkos location there was in Michigan. We stole hundreds of copy keys, and got live every fuckin' night! One guy would tie up the dorky ninja that worked there with a dumb computer question or something and the rest of us would carry the boxes of paper out to the car. I Would say again, no lie, I've probably spent 5,000 hours of my life at Kinko's Copies. Ninjas thought we worked there. We was making flyers, typing shit, making packages, doing the fan club shit, what ever the fuck it took. I Could be wrong, but that sounds about right to me, 5000 Hours. Oh, and promoting at record stores! We put ICP flyers in every last record store in Michigan and half of Ohio each and every fuckin' week! EVERY WEEK NON STOP!! Shaggy could show you every record store in all of greater Toledo cause that was his area. Every week 150 stores! Think I'm lying? Who gives a fuck what you think?
How was your private lives during all of this?
What private lives ninja? This is our life! Day and night! My crazy bitch got up and left! She was like "fuck this shit" and she was out. After 3 years she was gone. Cause she knew that I had entered a phase in my life that I would never again come out of. That phase is the Dark Carnival. She thought I was insane. Then I met another bitch that worked at a record store and took photos. She was perfect for me, but fuck no! She was out too… After 2 years with me, she packed her bags. Nobody was cool with being No 2 in my life. But they had no choice, either take that spot or get the fuck out cause ICP comes first! I Was not going to jail! I wasn’t struggling for money or for fame at all! I was struggling for everyone that believed in us. Alex poured his whole life into us and there was no way we were going to let him down. My brother sent home thousands for this and I would never let him down. My real homies worked day and night with us to make it all happen for years and years and I was not going to fail! Not on your bitch ass life! No way!!!
What about the music?
The music was fat like me naked! It was the shit! The studio was and is the only place that we are in total happiness! Mike E Clark is the greatest in the fuckin' galaxy! He dust the Dust Brothers! He smokes Muggs! He slaps Dr Dre! Nobody can fuck with him. I've worked with many ninjas and Mike E. Clark beats the shit out of all of them! Mike will go down in history. Ever since back in the day when we first met him, he was honest. We were stupid to the game and he could have snaked us out of thousands, but he never cheated us once. Well maybe once, but not twice. He works in the studio lightning fast. Studio bills were easy to handle cause he was so fast. Now he deserves everything he gets and more. Back then he was just an engineer and co- producer to our shit. But as we grew closer and sold more records, he kind of took the shit over. Now he makes the music himself and we just build to it a little. He used to tell me about bands getting record deals and then leaving him hangin'. I said "Bitch, have you ever heard a butt That’s what we'd sound like without you" Mike Clark is filled with the Dark Carnival's magic and he knows it. But the whole shit scares him. When he works with other artist, I don’t hear that magic, when we does ICP it's there to the fullest. 10,000 Bands want Mike to do their shit but I think it's pointless. Cause the spirits don’t like that outsider shit. That is the only time we can escape the drama my whole life is in the studio. The music is there and always will be, that is… if you like the wicked shit!
But doesn’t every band have to pay dues?
Mother fucker are you listening to what I'm saying? You think I'm exaggerating or something? We struggled harder than any band in the universe! We did millions of shows in front of 10 people on a good night! Sure lots of bands struggled that long and still are struggling, but hears the deal… I Refuse to believe that any band in the world has worked harder than us! Fuck no! No Chance. Any band that says they did would at least be right where we're at! Cause we got ZERO breaks! We lived, ate, breathed, died, fucked, danced, wrestled, stabbed and strangled ICP for 6 fuckin' years non stop! The other local rappers would be tellin' us that they had sold 100,000 albums on there own We would only be at like 40,000. I Would sit there and think "How the fuck are they doing it? We must work harder". Now I know that what they said wasn’t ever true I'm glad they lied to us cause that just made us work harder! While they slept on there lies, we were the biggest in Detroit the whole time and never even knew it!
I lost 80% of my best friends over it… I Lost 2 bitches and I was truly in love with them both at the time. My Brother sent cash home from the Army and when he got out, he jumped right in the struggle with us that day. We believed in Psychopathic Records and we believed in ourselves bitch. Do you hear me? We fuckin' sold each and every CD one by one. We lived like bums just so Psychopathic could do better. Every kid in Michigan knows who ICP is, even if he hate us. That's cause he probably got 5 or 6 flyers shoved up his ass in the last 6 years! Why did we even bother? Why were we so driven? I'll tell you why! It was the force of the Dark Carnival! It's message must be sent! We knew it, so we had to do it!
Was it worth losing all that? Was it worth it all?
Yes and I'll tell you why! Sure we lost a lot. We was devastated when our bitches left. We was crushed when our homies bailed. But now I see who my real peoples are. They weathered the storm. They understood our dedication and supported our mission and still do. They hung on and allowed us to slip at times, while the rest just bailed on us. I Know we were dicks, I know we left many people hangin back then. But with 9th grade education and mile long criminal records it was this or nothing. The real people helped and went threw it all with us. They listened to our Dark Carnival shit open-mindedly.
Fuck! Now a days it's the shit cause we're helping each and every one of them, make their own 'dreams come true! Each and every one! It all balances out! Psychopathic is a family of ninjas that have each others backs to the fullest! Plus them bitches that left on me, Fuck em'! I've got to dip into some hot ass groupies since then! As for the homies that jetted, that's all good. We made mad new homies… Fuck y’all! Plus I'm rich now.. Did I mention that? I Have two cars: A 99 Black Navigator truck and a Black 99 Corvette! Wanna drive them? Oh yeah, that's right, I don’t know you anymore! HA!
During your struggling days, you guys started getting popular right?
(Pausing to stand up and stretch. Then he suddenly kicks a box full of cassettes across the room for some odd reason. J finally sits back down, yawns and continues) By like 1995, we had released the 1st and 2nd Jokers Cards (Carnival Of Carnage and Ringmaster) and 3 EP's (Beverly Kills 50187, The Terror Wheel and A Carnival Christmas) on our own Psychopathic Records! It all totaled something like 300,000 record sales combined and still we had no mother fuckin' record deal. Alex went to 4 music conventions and they all said the same thing "If your a un-signed band and you some how can sell 10,000 records on your own, you'll have every major label eating out of your hand!" So we thought ok, we can do that, next thing you know we had sold almost half a million records and couldn’t get shit! Why? Cause every label looked at our painted faces and thought we were just a local joke or the lyrics scarred them away. But we didn’t stop. We didn’t change shit. We don’t paint our faces, this is our faces! Asking us not to wear it is like asking someone to cut their dick off
We sold more and more records on our own and dumped every fuckin' dime back into Psychopathic Records! We never spent shit, not even $10 bucks for a hair cut! I Looked like Meatloaf. Me and Shaggy looked like Nelson. Nothing for ourselves. Our shows locally were always sold out, CD's flying off the shelves, yet no love from label boy. Fuck it, nothing stopped us, we kept climbing and climbing Detroit's popularity spread to Flint. and then to Toledo and on and on! Finally Bitch ass, hoe ass, snake ass Jive records calls us and BOOM!!! We jumped all over it! Where do we sign?!?!
What happened with Jive?
They gave us $80,000 measly dollars to sign. They wanted to release the 3rd Jokers Card, Riddlebox! Alex was against us signing with them the whole time, but me and Shaggy were ruthless about it. We should have listened. Shit, on our own we were already pulling almost 7 figures in a year just off our record sales try'na get signed! They were giving us a really shifty deal on the money but we figured at least the record would be out nationally right? Wrong. When they released Riddelbox in late 95' they really only stocked it in Michigan and watched it sell to the fans that we had already built. Jive never believed in us. They didn’t even put the name Jive on the CD! They went under another name "Battery Records" like they were embarrassed of us or something. They didn’t do shit for Riddelbox. They knew it would flop everywhere but Michigan! That's why they gave us such a shifty deal on the money! It was there plan all along! They must have sat there in there offices in New York and said "Hey, look at this guys... These clowns are selling like crazy in Michigan. It would never work nationally so lets sign them for next to nothing. We'll put there new record out in Michigan where there hot and we'll make all there money! Hell they already did all the work" That's exactly what they did.
What did you do after that bullshit happened?
After that bozack, that would have been the end of many other bands. But not many other bands are driven by The Dark Carnival. What did we do next? We said fuck it! They already know us at home, so lets get the fuck out of here. We threw a dart on the big map in Alex's office and it landed on Dallas Texas. So we grabbed our 10-gallon hats, tight ass wrangler jeans and headed out west. Using all of our own Psychopathic Records money, we drained our accounts. We pressed 100,000 sampler cassettes of Riddlebox, bought 3 painted up, Riddelbox Vans, and hired 4 more ninjas. We took to the streets of Dallas with full force. We did this all by ourselves. Jive was completely out of the picture. They didn’t help or pay for shit. We did this just to prove to ourselves that we could sell outside of Michigan. And we did! We walked into every record store in and around Dallas ourselves. We'd ask for the manager and we'd tell him or her that we are doing major promotions in the area for a group called ICP! We told them they should order and stock some of there latest album Riddelbox on Jive records! Then we hit 3 different high schools every day with our 3 Riddelbox Vans! School would let out and flock to the vans for free samplers. We got arrested 4 times around Dallas! 4 Different police stations all let us slide with a warning and told us to go home. But we stayed. We handed the samplers out at schools, malls, churches, jails, bingo halls, funerals, tittie bars, we didn’t give a fuck! Everybody got one in Dallas! Even fuckin' Chuck Norris got one!
Did it work? Did you blow up in Dallas?
Like a fat lady during the holidays. We blew the fuck up! Next thing you know Jive is like, "Hey ninjas. You guys are the Shit! Your busting your ass to make us money' Dallas is up to 15,000 units in just 6 weeks! Riddelbox has now sold 100,000 copys! You've got a top 20 record in Dallas! We were wondering when you'll be handing in your next album? We're ready when you are!" I Was like, "How about I hand you my nuts and you can slurp on em?"' We told Jive to eat shit and fuck of! "We're done with you're bitch asses! We can do this shit our damn selves! Y’all didn’t do shit for us anyway! Fuck y’all! We're Psychopathic Records and we're better and more powerful than y’all anyway. What the fuck were we thinking to sign with your weak asses? You don’t know shit about ICP and it's power!" Then Jive came back and said "Look, we didn’t really know weather or not ICP had any selling potential outside of Michigan, but after seeing what you did in Dallas, now we believe you do.." And I said, "Well in that case, would you like my nuts with mustard or mayo? Fuck off!!!"' And that was it. We were stuck. Jive wouldn’t let us go cause we were under contract with them for 4 more albums. We refused to make them another record. We was like Andre The Giant's dick was in most nedens! no room to move!
Mean while, when we were stuck on Jive, we were broke, but we gave no fucks. We went out touring again and again! We kept pushing our shit anyway! Even though we didn’t know our future, Riddelbox was climbing in sales. Dallas was spreading, word was getting out everywhere on the underground that we were the shizzzzzzznit, byatch!
That's When Hollywood Records came along right?
Wrong! First your mom came along and we all ran a train on her! Then Hollywood Records came along. They said, "Hey ninjas, we heard about you guys! You guys are the shit. We get what ICP is all about! You need us and we need you!" Hollywood Records was the shit. We told them that were stuck with Jive and they said "Fuck that, we're owned by Disney! We got crazy bank! We'll just buy your contract off of Jive. Jive has no choice but to sell you, cause you won’t give them another album anyway!" Boom, next thing you know, we were on Hollywood Records! They promised us that just because Disney owns them, it has nothing to do with the music they put out and who they sign. They told us that Disney also owns Miramax films and look at all the ruthless shit they put out! So then we agreed and handed in the mighty 4th Jokers Card. The Great Milenko was a masterpiece in my eyes. Mike Clark's magic was in full effect. Our magic was banging. Finally a label was working with us instead of just watching us do the work. They constantly told us that it was amazing how much work we put into ICP. They couldn’t believe how much shit we do ourselves. My head was so big I couldn’t fit out the door, we had to knock a wall down! Anyway, yall know what happened with that shit.
I know it's played out by now, but give us a brief explanation please!
All the sudden our Hollywood Records ninja Julian Raymond, flies out to Detroit. He has us meet him at a downtown hotel on the 15th floor in his suite. Me Shaggy and Alex get there. He's just as upset as we are about to be. He tells us that Disney heard the Great Milenko album and that they want us to remove 3 songs from the album because of the lyrics! I was just about to throw him off the balcony, Shug Night style, when Alex and Shaggy stopped me! We were all devastated! All 4 of us! There was nothing we could do. Disney would not release the album with them songs on it. We had to take them of. Then on the way back home Alex opened our eyes. He said "What the fuck? We're Psychopathic Records! We rule the underground! We'll just wait until after The Great Milenko comes out and then we'll just press up an EP and put them 3 songs out ourselves! Sure we're not allowed to, but fuck them! We'll do it any fuckin' way!" That was the plan. So we took the songs off and handed the album in, again.
Then what happened?
By then we was pretty big in alot of areas around the country. Psychopathic Records put Riddelbox on the map. Ninjas nationwide were ready for The 4th Jokers Card. We did a tour called the Omen Tour to warn people that it was coming. Milenko was going to be available in every store in the US. It was going down. This would be our first major release. The Dark Carnival's messages would be heard by all! We had a national tour booked. We had in-store appearances booked everywhere. We had it all ready for the Great Milenko to emerge from beyond.
Then on the release day, BOOM! The Great Milenko got yanked out of the stores by Big Papa Mickey and his fat bitch Minny! Everything was cancelled! We were all the sudden out of business. How would we ever survive this shit?
I guess what happened is a giant group of Southern Baptist all voted to boycott Disney that week because of some other ruthless shit Disney was involved with, and the news was all over that story. So at the last minute, Disney tried to clean up there image by hiding us! They thought they could just remove us from the shelves before anyone caught them putting out trash like ICP too! They tried to remove us and cover the whole thing up before they got caught. Well it didn’t work! They got caught red fuckin' handed! Alex called the LA times that night and gave the whole story! That was the greatest move in ICP's history! With that one phone call, Alex saved our whole shit and put us on the map at the same time.
How? What happened?
The next morning it was on the front page of the LA Times. From there it was everywhere. The whole world caught Disney trying to make money off of us evil bastards! When it comes to The Disney Co. They don’t just want that good, clean Snow White money - They want this evil, wicked Juggalo money too I guess.
Disney tried to cover there own tracks by saying that they didn’t know anything about our lyrics. Even though two months earlier they made us take 3 songs off Milenko that they didn’t like and the rest was fine.
The whole shit was scary to me. It was really weird to hear a giant well known company just out right lie like that. That scared me to know the world is that fucked up! Here's a giant, well-loved corporation straight up lying like a school boy to his teacher. They sat there and lied to everyone by saying they didn’t know about our lyrics and that ICP slipped threw Disney's review process! Yeah right, explain the last minute changes you made us make on the album! Explain the half million you gave us FOR the album!
Everything was cool until that giant group of church members put the spotlight on that bitch ass. Then you got caught with your evil hands in our wicked clown cookie jar too, mutha fuckas!!!
So they dropped us, and said that they'll let us go if we sign a contract that says we'll never bad mouth Disney and that we'll never discuss this topic publicly. As you can tell I signed it and I have remained silent since! (More laughing with Billy Bill who is still present). Hollywood wasted like 2 million dollars of Disney's cheddar promoting and shooting videos for an album that was only on the shelves for a day. On top of that, they gave us a half a million to make the album and then they didn’t want it!!! Ninjas got fired, ninjas got re-hired, it was pandemonium over there in the Hollywood offices!
The press picked up on Disney's attempt to hide it, huh?
Yeah! The press was everywhere Then mad record labels started looking in to us and our history. Many labels were shocked to see how many albums we had sold on the underground. They couldn’t believe how big we were and yet they had never heard of us! Well one thing led to another and then a big ass bidding war took place. Most of the labels were just trying to cash in on the hype, but 3 labels really saw what we're about. Epic, Island, and Restless Records. They all wanted to sign us to big ass, long term, fat money contracts. Them 3 were duking it out over our contract while the press was going insane over the whole deal! CNN, Fuckin every news paper, everything everywhere talking about ICP getting dropped because of fucked up lyrics. Island wins the war so we sign with them. Not only because of money but because they seemed the realest. They believed in the Insane Clown Posse!
The album comes back out with all of its original tracks this time and then BLAM!!! We're finally a legit contender in the game of rock and roll, baby bitch, Whooooo!
Was this when things for ICP finally changed for the better?
Sort of! Yeah, we were paid and yeah we had ninjas working the album the way they should. But, then we started to get dissed hard by the media. Some papers said that it was a scam by us all along to sell records. They said that we were just a fly by night attempt to make some money and that as soon as the Disney hype ends, we'll never be seen or heard of again. They said ICP is not even a real band and nobody ever heard of us before the Disney shit and nobody will hear of us after. Nobody looked to see that their latest album Riddelbox prior to any Disney shit had sold 150,000 copies and all that. It's just that ICP was so underground that nobody knew about us. When I say underground, I mean underground. Mad groups all call themselves underground, but fuck that, ICP was UNDER the underground! Only snakes, serial killers and ninjas in Hell were bumpin' our shit! So, nobody knew we was ever there. But we were, ICP has always been here with fat record sales.
When the Great Milenko album finally came back out, mainstream critics and everyone all said that it sucked. Nobody understood it. It wasn’t for them. It was for the underground Juggalos that we always have been for! It's funny cause everything flipped over on us! We went from hearing this all day "You guys should take off the face paint, nobody likes that shit" to hearing this all day "The only reason anybody likes you is cause of the face paint". Everything went from one side of hating us, to the other. They hated us coming up and they hate us at the top too. That's why I say, we're the most hated band in the world. No Rolling Stone, No Spin, No MTV unless we're getting dissed. I was going crazy at first over all that shit, but then it dawned on my stupid ass!
What dawned on your stupid ass?
Are you calling me a stupid ass? Mother fucker!!!
No, I meant what dawned on you?
Fuck, proving ourselves to them! Who the fuck are they? Fuck them and fuck what they think, cause we're here for ever! They ain’t getting rid of us, we're getting rid of them! Fuck fitting in to their world! Fuck their world! I never fit in at school when I was a kid and I got by just fine. Why should I sweat that shit now? Fuck your magazines and your bitch ass video shows! We got our own Juggalo world! That's all we need and that's all we want!
How do you feel when a critic says your music is shitty?
First of all, I don’t care enough about what he thinks to feel anything. Who the fuck is he? Who is a critic? If he's so fuckin' good at music why don’t he make the shit? Look, this is what I believe and it you disagree go fuck yourself! The Spice Girls are the shit! Why? Cause they sold 10,000,000 albums bitch! Sure, me and you might not like their music but fuck us! 10,000,000 other people love it! How can we say they suck? How the fuck can we say they have no talent when 10,000,000 people love there shit? They make all those people happy with there music yet I'm going to stand up and state it as a fact that they suck?? Who the fuck am I? I take my fuckin' hat off and say "You girls are the shit! I might not dig it myself, but that's just me You girls are definitely the shit". Besides, I'd fuck the shit out of all of them if I could!
Check this out. I've rocked 3000 Juggalos in concert and every last one loved the show. They would chant ICP for 15 minutes after the show wanting more. Then I get up the next morning and read the paper and here's some dick head critic reviewing our show and talking about how much the show sucked! What??? What about the other 3000 that loved the show you fuckin' asshole? What are you trying to say? That they are all wrong and your right? Fuck you! I can’t believe critics even exist in this world. I thought the fun about life was judging shit for yourself. I don’t need some bitch ass critic judging for me. If a movie sucks, I'll be my own judge of that. I don’t give a fuck what Siscle's fat ass thinks. I Don’t need Ebert to tell me it sucks! I Could give a fuck less about what Ebert likes! I'm Violent J! I'll tell you what I like and don’t like! Fuck what somebody else thinks is the shit or sucks! Fuck critics! Siskle and Ebert both said the movie Crimson Tide was a great film and they gave it two thumps up! Well I saw it and I say it sucked!! So Siskle and Ebert can go fuck each other! How's that? And every other critic can eat shit and die? Even if you loved our shit and you gave it a good review, who gives a fuck what you think!? Keep our name out of your shit, cock suckers! Fuck off!
Then You hooked up with Twiztid and Myzery? How did that happen?
I knew of this wack rap group in Detroit called the House Of Krazees. They had mad talent and I always tried to get them to come to Psychopathic, but they had this wack commitment to thier manager. They sounded just like Esham to me, only sloppy. But they were really cool so we invited them on tour. Thier manager was whack as hell! He didn’t know the music business from his butthole! The House Of Krazzes dropped off the tour when we came threw Detroit for some stupid reason! There manager pulled them of I guess! Why I'll never know, because I don’t care enough to ask anybody. Anyway, the tour went on. It was fresh. Then we got home, and two of the guys from House Of Krazees called me and told me that they left the group and started there own group. The two guys were the two better rappers anyway, so I said "Yeah! Ill put you down!" By now I figured we know how to make a group blow up cause we know what works and what don’t. The House Of Krazees have been around Detroit for years but they were stuck forever. Their tactics sucked. Their ideas were weak. They sucked on stage. Everything about them sucked accept some of the music. We took the two ninjas and applied that Psychopathic Flavor and the rest came from them. What amazed me was how fat the music was. They did it all themselves! Back in the House of Krazees days the music was done by that third guy. So there was no telling what they would sound like without him. But somehow they sounded better! Twiztid took form quick. They are the shit. We all went back on tour and night after night they got tighter. Now they are the ultimate shit. Their stage show is tight, their music is great and their raps are the bomb diggity. We grew closer as homies as the weeks and months went buy Them ninjas went threw alot of shit back in the day. They paid helly dues. They’re Psychopathic for life! They're proud to be, and we's prouder to have them! But allow me to step oft there nuts now!
Myzery is a rapper that my brother brought to Psychopathic. My brother has family in the Bronx and that’s how he met Nay Nay. I Always had the feeling that Myzery thought our music was wack. It seemed like he just wanted to get his break so he hung out. It seemed like he thought the Dark Carnival was a joke. Then I got to know him more and more and that feeling went away. He never truly believed in it though. I even showed him the Dark Carnival's magic in our studio and he thought it was a trick! I only show my best friends that shit too. He's a cool mother fucker though. He gets mad skins. Like 5 times more than he should. Every bitch loves him. He looks like Tupac with his headband on. Him, and his homie Ponch are the shit. They are very quiet about things. You never know what there thinking. They sort of let us know without saying it that they wanted out of Psychopathic Records. See, Psychopathic is into some bizarre shit and it has that reputation. Myzery is more into New York raps. Even though the shit we say is our reality, it ain’t theirs. They come from another place, and they are just into different shit than us. They toured will us twice. He dropped an EP on Psychopathic, and it's still out. I don’t think they liked our ideas. They said our crowd wasn’t there crowd. As for me, I don’t give a fuck! Any crowd is my kind of crowd as long as they some Juggalos!!! But they just stressed that they wanted to get a bigger hip hop, rap only crowd. Hangin' around with us was killing that for them I think. Myzery went back to New York to try some other avenues. We stop over and hang when we come threw New York. My brother is really close with his family. I wish that ninja and his homie Poncho mad luck out there.
Tell me about your Panic Attacks
If I talk about it, I'll have one and then I'll probably kill you! I was on the road for a year straight! I went insane in the bus one morning but it went away! I tried to tell everyone but they just dissed me. When I was flipping out that morning I wanted to kill myself. I was sweating, I couldn’t breath, I was terrified and now I'm going to kill you!
What?
I told you I don’t want to talk about that shit right now! I'm going to slap you. Look, I went fuckin' nuts. That shit sucked! I got over it that morning cause I finally passed out and when I woke back up it was over. About 2 weeks later I was on stage in St Paul and it happened again. I Looked at Shaggy while I was standing there tripping out and all I can say was he was rapping. He was just rapping at the crowd! It just looked weird at the moment. Then I couldn't breath. I Felt like I was rolled up in a carpet! Everyone was looking at me! I Felt like shooting myself again. Billy Bill and my brother pulled me to the back and dumped water on me! I felt like I was drowning. It was some wack shit. I think I was crying, suffocating, terrified, panicking and rapping on stage at the same time. I finally came off stage and passed out again in the dressing room. That night we cancelled everything else and went straight home.
The next day I was laying in my bed going completely insane. Nothing was fresh. Everything sucked. I was watching commercials and I wanted to cry because the people on TV were smiling and acting normal, but I couldn’t control myself! Hours were going by! I Couldn’t breath! My dogs were against me! My house was a tomb to me! My brother came home and rushed me to a regular hospital. Everybody showed up when I was still in the waiting room. I Had to escape this dreaded hospital before they take me in the back where I can’t breath. So I left the waiting room. Shaggy was driving me back home. He was talking to me but I have no idea what he was saying. He was against me! His car was smothering me. The music he was playing was stealing my air. I finally got back home where I was safe but it was all a trap. The TV was killing me! The little light on the radio was torturing me. The walls were stealing all the air in the room. The phone was destroying me! It was just sitting there! I tried to move it across the room but it still was killing me somehow.
See when you break your arm you can focus on the pain. You can say to yourself.. "Ok, my arm hurts. I know what I need to do. I Need to fix my arm. It hurts when I move it. So I wont move it. I Need to fix my arm." But when your loosing your mind you can't focus on the problem because the problem is in your head! You say to yourself "What’s the problem here? Why am I scared? Fuck being scared, I cant breath! Wait I'm breathing but I can’t feel it. I Have the pain of suffocating yet my lungs are breathing.. Why am I sweating so much? I'm scared right now... why? What can I do to stop this? Nothing!" I went threw that shit for 24 hours with no sleep. My brother finally took me to a mental home. I can chase the fuckin' ducks around the pond and bark like a chicken! Then they fixed me. You don’t need to know any more. Some things have nothing to do with anybody but me. All you need to know is they didn’t stick anything up my butt. And I'm fine now. I was having severe panic attacks level 10! But I'm over it. As soon as I kill you all the voices will go away, so come here!
