The Final Chapter of the 5 Dons Interview
What else will make the Gathering this year so spectacular other than the stuff we already know about?
Alex Abbiss Continues…
For one thing, I’m sure that all wrestling fans will be geeked up to know that the world’s most hardcore and ruthless wrestler of all time will be there. Of course I’m talking about the one and only Sabu. No disrespect to Mic Foley, but even he will tell you about the insanity of Sabu. Sabu is going to wrestle on all three days. Also, Vampiro will be wrestling all three days as well as Mad Man Pondo, Fat Fuck Barrel Boy, Horn Swagglin Hillbilly, Tom Dub, Patrick, and all the usual JCW greats. Look for the super main event of Sabu vs. Vampiro! That match will be their first ever match against each other!
As far as concert fans, you might just get surprised! We are talkin’ with 2 Live Crew, Biohazzard, Krazy Bone, and more! You never know who might pop up out of nowhere.
Billy Bill adds…
As for new shit, what else could you possibly ask for? You got the Gathering version of the Dark Lotus album; you got the 8 CD box set containing all the episodes of The Juggalo Radio show. You fuckin’ got all that plus the biggest shit of them all… Morton’s List!
Alex Abbiss…
Before we get into that, let me explain what The Juggalo Show is to the ninjas that don’t know. In 1998, ICP and Twiztid had a very secret radio show that aired once a month here in Detroit. The show only lasted 3 episodes. The station was The Edge, 105.1. After 3 episodes ICP was kicked off the air. It didn’t matter though because soon after that, the whole station went out of business!
But history is history, and the history is that somehow they actually let ICP and Twiztid air a 2 hour show once a month. Of course, the time slot The Edge gave The Juggalo Show sucked dick. It aired on the first Sunday night of every month at Midnight. In other words, nobody was listening. None the less, the show was funny as hell and it has some of the most outrageous skits I’ve ever heard. The guys play some of the craziest music and get into fights with each other and all that. As for Jamie Madrox doing funny voices and characters, he will blow your mind with this shit! ICP even interviews music stars like George Clinton, and Vinny from Sponge, and more.
Well, the show was great while it lasted, but as soon as the show was booted off the air that was it. The Juggalo Show was gone forever…
Billy Bill Jumps In…
Until now. We have decided that a show that funny should be heard by all Juggalos that want it. 8 CD’s in one collection that contains every last bit of all 3 Juggalo shows in their fuckin’ entirety! Plus this box set also includes the never before aired 4th episode. Its true! Nobody ever heard the 4th episode because the show was cancelled before it could even air. Well, you can hear it now! This 8 CD box set will be another exclusive collectible that will be available at the Gathering of the Juggalos. If that ain’t the shit, I don’t know what is…
Jumpsteady jumps in…
I do… I know what is also available at the Gathering that is the shit too. It’s called Morton’s List. 7 years in the making and it’s finally coming out. My partners and me have been putting in work on this project for so long that it’s amazing to me that it’s finally coming out. 8 years ago when I first took this job at Psychopathic Records, it wasn’t a big company like it is now. In fact, it was barely anything but a dream. Our dream. My pay was 50 bucks a week. My only goal was to see Psychopathic succeed! I have since reached that goal. Well, now that the Hatchet is going into it’s 10th year of business, I feel it’s time we expand even more! I’m not yet satisfied. I want to see Psychopathic expand beyond music, movies, comics, and all that. Even more! I want to see it expand into a way of life! I want to see this company provide so many fresh things to do for Juggalos, and we could one day end boredom forever! Well, we believe that our new invention is a major step in that direction. A game to end all boredom for Juggalos. It is called Morton’s List. Me and my partners Nathan and Tall Jess have been working on this project forever. Sure enough, at the year’s Gathering it is finally coming out. You can go to www. MortonsList.com (after May 1st) to read what it is all about. All I will say right now about it is that Psychopathic always talking about building a life style for Juggalos, and this is a great start. This will give real Juggalos everywhere something to do on boring days for the rest of their lives! This will never EVER get old. The realm of Morton’s List runs deep into the Dark Carnival. Believe that.
Alex Abbiss…
Morton’s list is an example of the future of Psychopathic Records, flat out. I’m betting many Juggalos will be completely into this game. Of course, after it is released, thousands of imitation versions of Morton’s List will start popping up everywhere, just like with everything else we do. But they will all fall far beneath the standards and heart put into the one and only REAL Morton’s List.
Billy Bill…
Besides all the new shit at this years Gathering… you want a surprise? We got a surprise for that azz. A monster fuckin’ surprise. We’re gonna drop news that will shake the very foundation of the Juggalos world. Even without the megaton surprise we are about to drop on y'all, look at everything else the Gathering has going on… It’s incredible. You would have to be a loonie to not want to posse up with your crew and drive in a convoy all the way down to Toledo. I’d wanna drive there if it was on Venus.
Jelly Nuts Adds…
Go to www.juggalogathering.com for more info.
What is this major surprise?
Violent J answers…
The Major surprise is that your mom has a dick and a neden. She hides the dick in her butt though. Only your dad knows about it. Well, actually me and your dad both know about it. But that’s it.
Look man, this surprise as we’re calling it, don’t mean more to anybody than it does to me and Shaggy. This ain’t no fuckin’ birthday cake present surprise mother fucka. This is some real shit. I just hope I can keep it together to talk about it.
Shaggy adds…
We will tell you when we are ready to tell you. We have our whole summer planned out. It’s fat packed with surprises. Let me just drop a few on that ass for ay Juggalos that might be reading this… The first is this: Ninjas always ask when will ICP and Twiztid tour again together. My answer is this. We are always together. Even when we are across the country from each other, we are still together, bitch.
Violent J jumps back in…
But if that won’t do, how about this? In October, year I know that seems like a long time away but let me finish. In October, we are going to launch the biggest tour in the history of Psychopathic Records. Here is the line up and it’s already fuckin’ final. No charges will be made. How is it already final? Because there ain’t any outsiders on the show… it’s all family on this one. We’ve said that before, but this time word is bond. We’ve all freed up our time and we’re going to make it happen. The tour is called… and wait, this is the first time you’re hearing this anywhere… the tour is called… “The Hatchet Rising Tour”.
Here are the bands on the tour. First, as the curtain opens you will see a super hype set of Marz, and he rips a hole in your heads. Let me just say this to anyone out there that wants to doubt on Marz, check this out. I remember hanging Twiztid banners at our shows and yelling Twiztid all night at every concert and introducing them on stage and doing whatever we could to get Juggalos to take notice to them. Most Juggalos back then just turned their heads and went and got a soda or something. Look at Twiztid now! Now you finally realize how dope their shit is… Well Juggalos… DON’T SLEEP ON MARZ. Don’t let it go by you now. When you see Marz and ICP on stage together, take notice, because on day you’ll wanna see it again as bad as you wanna see us and Twiztid together again.
Shaggy…
Just get on with the fuckin’ tour. My ass hurts from sittin’ here so long.
Violent J again…
Ok… After Marz flips your wigs off, before you even have time to turn around and pick them up, Blaze and his home Anybody Killa take stage. BOOM! Blaze is droppin’ shit from his brand new album and rockin’ the fuckin’ house. Juggalos are loving that shit. All of a sudden after Blaze raises the dead, out of nowhere comes… TWIZTID!!! Jamie Madrox and Monoxide Boogie take the stage and blow the roof off the building making it an outdoor venue all the sudden. Just when you can’t take anymore… Just when your ribs are broken and your jaw is knocked loose from moshin’, here comes INSANE CLOWN POSSE. Not to suck my own dick or anything, but y’all know that after Marz, Blaze and Twiztid’s set, a cold Faygo shower would do you good right about the.
So… after all that. The venue is destroyed, you are destroyed, you think your butt might have got poked somewhere in the mosh pit somehow, and your just about dead. Just when you are turning around to go home, the stage lights turn back off? What? Who? What? Who is it? Who could follow all that up? Is it? Madonna singing Chicken Huntin? Is it? Kurt Kobain doing the headless Boogie? It is… Dr Dre with his dick up Eminem’s ass? No… it is none other than DARK LOTUS!!! THE HATCHET RIZING TOUR!!!
Alex Abbiss interrupts…
Alright, alright. Whatever. Calm down. But Juggalos, this is no lie, no exsaturation, and no bullshit. This tour will start this October in Canada for 8 dates, and when we hit the US. The first US city will be Seattle. One of the stops on this massive tour is of course the Hallowicked Clown Show which this year takes place at Cobo Arena in Detroit. No lie. It’s going down. After the “Hatchet Rizing Tour” finally ends in December. You Juggalos can finally have time to relax. Enjoy some eggnog. Ride a fuckin’ reindeer around the winter wonderland. Do whatever you like to do for the Holidays. Because come 2002… It’s all over. Wait a minute… You are talking about a tour that starts in October? What about May, June, July, and August? That’s 4 months. What will Psychopathic be up to during those 4 months?
Billy Bill explains…
OK. First up is May. Right now. Juggalos can go see ICP, Marz, and Blaze all live together in concert on the second leg of the Bizzar Bizaar tour. Not only will you get to see an incredible show, but you also get a free Psychopathic sampler. The sampler gots shit from ICP, DL, Blaze, and Marz. All you got to do is show up in face paint, reppin’ the Juggalo love and you get the fresh ass sampler. The sampler also gots a brand new full song of ICP & Marz together. The Bizzar Bizaar tour will sweep the us one more time before heading to Australia. This is your last chance to see it. The tour is playing much smaller towns than we did on the first leg, but that’s just so every mudda fuckin’ body gets to see the tour! Even small town Juggalos!
Jump Steady jumps in…
After May, you got June. For the month of June, Twiztid hits the road and does the same thing. Twiztid has a new show and a new set that’s guaranteed to get Juggalos on their feet. So once again Juggalos can come out and see Psychopathic do it’s thing live as Twiztid sweeps the nation for the Twiztid Juggalos. And if you missed the Bizzar Bizaar tour, that’s ok, you can pick up that new sampler at Twiztid’s shows as well. Jug paint up like Jamie Madrox or Monox Boogie and it’s yours.
After June it’s July. The month of the Gathering. You already know what that means. There is a shit load of brand new shit that hits the shelves that we already talked about. July might as well be considered Juggalo Month as far as I am concerned.
Now, as for August… You would probably think Psychopathic might take a long Caribbean vacation or something. You know, maybe take a summer cruise, eat a few coconuts or whatever. Well, fuck all that shit.
Billy Bill says…
Yup. Juggalo love is all year round. The only way we’d go to the Bahamas is if we could bring y’all. So, yup, you guessed it, we got some shit for August too. In fact, for august we have a dope ass plan. We’re going to do a giant instore tour! Who you ask? ICP instores? Twiztid instores? Blaze? Marz? Nope… ALL OF THEM!!!
Alex Abbiss…
Yes, it’s true. During the month of August, just one month before the massive “Hatchet Rising Tour” hits the road, the entire Dark Lotus family will climb into a bus and head to record store, after record store, to sign autographs. All across the country. If you can’t make it to the Gathering, at least you can still meet Dark Lotus. It’s like this… If you can’t come to us, then we’ll come to you.
For four weeks Lotus will tour the US and meet Juggalos face to face on what we are calling the “Lotus Grows Tour”. They won’t be doing any concerts though, they’ll just be signing autographs, taking pictures and maybe a few surprise BBQ’s. You know us.
There is also a lot of talk that for August that we might run a few JCW shows here and there just for the fun of it. Everybody here at Psychopathic loves puttin’ on JCW shows and what would summer be without a few? Plus, now that WWF owns everything, we can scoop up all the left over talent!
JCW is a possibility, but the instore is a definite. All of August you can meet Dark mutha fuckin’ Lotus in person. Believe that.
And what about the super surprise?
Violent J…
“What about the super surprise? What about the super surprise?” You sound like a lil bitch. Let me tell you a story, bitch. I remember when we first released the 1st Joker’s Card. Carnival of Carnage. It was the very same version that everybody has now. Only back then, nobody hat it, nobody wanted it, and nobody cared. That record barely, and I mean barely sold 2000 copies that whole year. Even out of them 2000 copies, body was asking when the 2nd Jokers Card was coming out. The truth is, nobody gave a fuck.
Well, here we are, years and years later. We dropped all but the 6th. We also dropped countless collectibles, short EP’s collection CDs, bootlegs, albums under different names, we’ve done it all. We have no complaints. We never been to any Grammy’s, or American Music Awards. We never been to nothing like that. The only Hollywood party we ever been to was by accident. We just walked in and got kicked out. But God as my witness, we have no complaints.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is this… From the very first day, Shaggy, Alex, Jump, Billy, and myself have always had a plan for the 6th Jokers Card. We always wondered what things would be like in the world when it’s time to put it out. We can now answer that question. Just look around you. Because it is time.
Yo, I’m sorry Juggalos. But a big part of that plan is not telling anybody jack shit! However… Talking is talking, but showing is different.
Listen very carefully… on Sunday night, July 15th, the very last day of the Gathering 2001… Those who attend that night’s big concert, which features Vanilla Ice, Three 6 Mafia, The Psychopathic Rydas, and ICP, will be burned with an eternal image that will haunt them for 12 long months. This image will remain burned into their minds until they can again see it.
If you don’t understand… here is your fuckin’ big, big, big, news in plain English…
At the very end of ICP’s set, which is also the very closing of the Gathering of the Juggalos 2001… Something major will happen. Just as the show is ending and the major Faygo war is about to take place… From high above the stage will drop a giant banner. Juggalos, be prepared, for on this banner will be a version of the almighty…
6th JOKERS CARD!!!!!
The 5 Dons end by saying this…
If you are still conscious after seeing the devastating vision of the 6th for the first time EVER, then lets all get your Faygo war on like only Juggalos can!
For everybody reading this, you know that we have mad love you. Peace, and see you at the Gathering, the Bizzar Bizaar Tour, Twiztid's tour, The Lotus Grows Tour, and yet, the Hatchet Rising Tour! Peace ninjas!
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